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When I die, I want to pass away like Grandpa Murphy, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Clancy was invited to Doolan’s home for dinner. Doolan proceeded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her honey, my love, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. Clancy was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, so while Mrs. Doolan was off in the kitchen he said to Doolan; "I think that it is wonderful that after all these years you’ve been together, you still call your wife pet names." Doolan hung his head. "To tell you the truth", he said, "I forgot her name about 10 years ago".
Murphy had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He finally went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed Murphy to hear 100%. A month later Murphy went back to the doctor for a follow-up and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.' Murphy replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
Casey and Flannagan were sitting on a bench under a tree when Casey turns to Flannagan and says, "I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Flannagan says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
Maguire asked O’Carroll, his eighty-year old buddy, 'Is it true that you're getting married?' 'Yep!' 'Do I know her?' 'Nope!' 'This woman, is she good looking?' 'Not really.' 'Is she a good cook?' 'Naw, she can't cook too well.' 'Does she have lots of money?' 'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.' 'Well, then, is she good in bed?' 'I don't know.' 'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?' 'Because she can still drive!'
Kelly, an 82 year-old man, went to his doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Kelly walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
The doctor asked Kelly, 'What are you doing? Didn’t you hear my diagnoses?'
Kelly replied, 'I’m just doing what you said, Doc.’ 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur and be careful.'
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